IF YOU USE VIOLENCE OR AGGRESSION, THIS IS PROBABLY WHAT HAPPENS FOR YOU:
1. YOU ARE TRIGGERED
Might be big or small, but your mind, body and emotions are 'activated'.
2. YOU GO INTO FIGHT-FLIGHT MODE
It may be instant or the result of a slow build-up of triggers.
3. IN FIGHT-MODE, YOUR BODY IS FULL OF STRESS-HORMONES, ESPECIALLY ADRENALIN
Adrenaline is more of a problem than you realise.
4. ADRENALINE CAN TAKE THE SMARTEST PART OF YOUR BRAIN, THE NEO-CORTEX, OFF-LINE
It's much harder to problem-solve a situation, weigh up what's right or wrong, or forecast the consequences of acting violently, without the smartest part of your brain. If you're acting off strong emotions, like anger, jealousy, fear and hate, bad actions are likely to occur.
5. ADRENALINE AND NOR-ADRENALINE CHANGE YOUR PHYSIOLOGY, MAKING YOU FEEL STRONGER
Aggression and Violence can temporarily make you feel more powerful or in control. Negative beliefs about women can kick-in as if endorsing the use of violence, and then bad things happen.
6. AFTER THE STRESS-HORMONES EXIT YOUR SYSTEM, YOUR PERSPECTIVE CHANGES
Now, the smarter part of your brain comes back online and you are reviewing your actions with the aid of your 'smarts'.
You are now seeing the situation very differently.
Where there seemed to be benefits to acting violently, now the costs are confronting you: You hurt her and not just physically. Or the Police are charging you. There will be court, legal costs, fines, maybe even jail-time.
Or now the kids look really scared of you, or you can only see them under supervision.
None of this was apparent in fight-flight mode.
7. IT WILL BE LIKE THIS UNTIL YOU GET THE 4 GATES
Most men have 4 gates.
You can too.
Most men get stressed, angry, whatever, but they don't use violence, because they have the 4 gates.
Life will be so much better for you and your loved ones when you get the four gates.
Deep-inside, you already know that violence against your partner is never OK.
Start making changes today.
We receive no government funding. Make a donation now, to help us to develop our program for schools to equip young men with the four gates. Together, we can end the violence.
Your True North
Whether you're a young guy taking on life or a father raising a family, if you've set your compass towards a positive future, then you'll be much better at making choices that create positive outcomes. No-one can make you take responsibility for the four gates, but you.
Start by learning about the four gates.
Keeping partners and family safe and loved
Violence creates an atmosphere of fear and hurt - the opposite of love and happiness. The men who are in happy, loving relationships are no better than anyone, they just use better tools. For everyone's sake, it's time to get better tools.
The Fourth Gate - A Positive Future
No-one can take responsibility for keeping the four gates strong but yourself. The true mark of a man is not his wealth or power but that he has self-control, respect for the laws of the land, extends empathy towards others and has a great set of problem-solving tools. The ability to manage stress, solve-problems wisely and rationally is what makes men successful and respected in the eyes of others.
Get your four gates and claim your sparkling future.